Last Updated on February 19, 2026 by Fly High Coaching
Improving emotional intelligence is becoming one of the most important skills for professionals and leaders. It helps you communicate well, build real connections, and lead with confidence. Many high achievers rely on technical skills but struggle when success depends on staying calm, handling conflict, and connecting with people.
In this episode, you’ll discover how improving emotional intelligence helps you pause before reacting. You’ll learn to choose responses that achieve better results for everyone. Host Porschia sits down with leadership coach Susan Schwartz for a warm conversation about how emotional intelligence shows up at work and why it matters for leadership, communication, and team dynamics.
They explore how emotional intelligence can be measured and strengthened over time. You’ll hear real stories of leaders who improved collaboration, reduced tension, and built stronger bonds at work. They got curious about themselves and changed small behaviors. The conversation reminds us that emotional intelligence isn’t just about feelings. It’s about the choices we make and how our actions affect others.
Susan Schwartz is a leadership coach who understands smart, driven professionals working on emotional intelligence and resilience. She led global teams herself. Now she helps managers and executives build workplaces where people feel respected and communication flows naturally. Her upcoming book, Creating an EVEN Greater Whole: Becoming an Emotionally Intelligent Leader, is called a must-read for leaders who want healthier workplace cultures.
What you’ll learn:
- What emotional intelligence really means and why improving emotional intelligence matters at work
- How emotional intelligence shapes the way you show up as a leader
- Common struggles when developing emotional intelligence
- 8 simple ways to handle reactions, listen better, and strengthen relationships
- How leaders can build trust and create stronger teams
Resources:
- Episode Transcript
Porschia: [00:00:00] Hello, I’m Portia Parker Griffin, and I wanna welcome you to the Career 1 0 1 Podcast, a place for ambitious professionals and seasoned executives who want an edge in their career. We’re talking about all of the things you were never taught or told when it comes to career growth, development, and change.
Now let’s get into it.
Today we are talking about improving emotional intelligence with Susan Schwartz. Susan Schwartz is a leadership and management coach specializing in helping high IQ professionals develop emotional intelligence and resilience with a practical results driven approach. She equips professionals with the tools to build strong client relationships.
Communicate effectively and lead with confidence. Drawing from her experience leading global teams, Susan is [00:01:00] passionate about fostering inclusive workplaces where people feel empowered to bring their full selves to work. Her upcoming book, creating an Even Greater Whole, becoming an Emotionally Intelligent Leader, has been praised as a must read for managers and business leaders seeking to cultivate positive workplace cultures.
Hi Susan. How are you today? I am thank you. Thank you for inviting me. We are excited to have you with us to discuss improving emotional intelligence. But first we wanna know a little bit more about you. So tell me about 7-year-old Susan.
Susan: Oh my goodness. 7-year-old Susan. Oh. I was already a bookworm.
I loved reading and I am thinking back to a really bad haircut. When you said that I grew up in North Florida, so I saw this skinny little kid in a yellow short set. But [00:02:00] yeah, I was a great reader. I really loved reading.
Porschia: I love that. So what did our reader, the 7-year-old Susan, wanna be when she grew up?
Susan: Oh, you know what? I didn’t have the words to say it. I knew I wanted to do something on a global level. I think that’s why I read. I wanted to learn about the world out there and I really didn’t have the words, but I wanted to meet people and get to know people in from different countries in different walks of life.
And I knew I wanted to have a big adventure.
Porschia: All right. So Susan, tell us about some highlights or pivotal moments in your career before you started your business.
Susan: I, it really led up to my business. The greatest pivot is I’d always been in technology. I’d spent a lot of time in technology training [00:03:00] and I did some work implementing.
And my last full-time position before moving out on my own was the global software company, and my job was corralling 20 different education divisions across 10 countries to come together and create a blended learning platform. And what I learned at that point was technology didn’t drive business.
People did. And that technology was a tool and it would change people were the ones that made the choices, that made the decisions, and that drove the business changes. And that was a huge mindset shift for me. And so when I started, I opened my business in 2000 and it was really looking at merging the human and the [00:04:00] technology.
And how do you bring them together and, and that’s really how probably was truly one of the most pivotal moments. And then I had two other moments early on which really pushed my philosophy. One gentleman looked at me. We were in a client meeting and my account rep I worked with, and either our client contact threw us under the bus.
We both got really angry. We literally were on top of the table ready to throttle him, and we realized what we were doing. We sat down, straightened, our blue suits, apologized, and the VP in charge of the meeting said ladies, conflict is not bad. It’s how you handle it. That makes all the difference.
And then somebody else once shared, that’s not a problem. It’s a situation to manage. And so focusing is the people. [00:05:00] It’s not a problem, it’s a solution waiting to be found and that it’s okay to disagree or three very profound lessons.
Porschia: Yeah. All of them sound very profound. I really like that.
That’s not a problem. It’s a situation to manage. That’s a good, like mental reframe about, obstacles that might come up. So what was the motivation or the catalyst for you to start your own business?
Susan: It was a blending of my professional. Personal lives. The global company I’ve been working with had just been purchased and of course when somebody purchases a company, it’s time for everybody to leave who worked in the original company and I was searching for what I wanted to do next, looking at [00:06:00] my strengths.
And at the same time, my children were upper elementary and my daughter. Was heading into junior high school and all of a sudden there was no more afterschool care. And I combined the personal dis and professionals that I wanted to be able to, I didn’t want my daughter coming home to an empty house every day.
I had an office. I worked regular hours. If the door was closed, the kids knew there had to be blood to interrupt me. And I did. I’d have meetings, I taught classes, so I wasn’t always home at three o’clock, but she never knew or she knew what to expect when she got home. But I didn’t want it to be the house where everybody could just go hang and there was an adult present that I was there enough, that they had some sort of parental guardrails. So it worked out well for me.
Porschia: So why did you decide to focus on emotional intelligence as [00:07:00] one of your areas of expertise?
Susan: I was working with a project management professional curriculum. I was one of the instructors and the piece that I had was managing and leading.
Now these are all very technically oriented people. And they were trying to get this project management certificate. And so we had six classes that they would take and hopefully they could pass this four hour exam. You only wanna take once. And I had all of these software programmers and hardware technicians and very black and white oriented people.
The switch is on or the switch is off, but management and leadership is incredibly gray. And they couldn’t touch and feel it. And one day somebody looked at me after an exercise of listing all the, their leaders and now what are the traits? [00:08:00] Somebody said, Susan, I can’t tell you, but I know when I see one.
And I realized just how intangible, how do you measure assertiveness, how do you measure empathy? And that’s just about that time someone introduced me to the EQI 2.0 assessment, and that assessment measures 15. Skills you have 15 emotionally intelligent skills. So you really can measure your impulse control, your ability to communicate your ability, how you generate your thoughts, how do you get your ideas up to the front of your brain?
And then how do you communicate it out? You can measure self-confidence. Problem solving mindset, reality testing, and those 15 measures, the report is on color coded bar charts. And so people had numbers and they could [00:09:00] touch that and feel that. But what I really love about emotional intelligence that I think really comes into the business world and maps so well is it’s not about 94 to a hundred being an a.
In school, I’m sure, I’m gonna guess Porsche, you are an overachiever. Like me, we go to the mat, that 97, it had to be a 99.
In emotional intelligence, 100 is average. Think about that normal curve. At the top. So if you score a hundred, that means 50% of the people are more engaged in that trait, and 50% are lesser engaged.
- And then you have all these 15 data points going across that curve. And so sometimes your, you might have a lower score, but your higher score balances it out. I worked with an architect and he [00:10:00] had very low level of flexibility. Very high level of impulse control. So think about an architect.
If they don’t follow, the specifications, the building’s going to fall down.
Porschia: Right.
Susan: I, in San Francisco, we have two buildings that are leaning just
Porschia: a bit
Susan: because somebody said one inch won’t matter. He was promoted into a role where he had to manage two project teams. All of a sudden, all these people started resigning.
George is a jerk. He insults me. He’s this. The three people resigned in about two or three week period, and they called me in, see what was going on. If you had to manage people and you have absolutely zero flexibility and so much impulse control that. George knew he shouldn’t say something, so he [00:11:00] just didn’t, he didn’t figure out how to say it differently.
And so whereas those two traits and his engagement levels made him a fabulous architect world class he couldn’t manage people at that point. Now, with emotional intelligence, you can develop it. Through practice and a little bit of coaching, you can shift your engagement and move it to the place where you want it to be.
But it’s a choice and I think that’s what I really feel I is so powerful about emotional intelligence is that it is about those choices because it’s about behavior. How you react. It’s not just how you feel inside, but it’s how you react. How do you show up in the world and what choices do you make to, [00:12:00] what’s the best word?
Impact, to create the impact that you want to have.
Porschia: I really appreciate you sharing that story about George, because I. I’ve met a lot of clients that sound like they’re very similar personality types to George. But I think that the big point that you made about, it’s not just how you feel, it’s about how you react I think is just a very big lesson for leaders and everyone to take away from, just this conversation even about emotional intelligence.
Susan, for those who don’t know. What is emotional intelligence?
Susan: If many people are familiar with with Goldman, and he is the the proponent that’s really brought emotional intelligence to the forefront and he talks about managing your feelings to [00:13:00] create. To make, to create the, to Goldman talks about managing your feelings so that you can create a.
A positive workspace around you. His focus is on management and so that’s where I come back to reaction. I’d like to shift his definition just a little bit that says that it’s how you react to the situation around you. It’s not just recognizing your feelings, but how do you observe the situation, evaluate what and observe against your experiences, and then choosing the outcome that you want to have happen.
And then collaborating people to make it happen. [00:14:00] So within a leadership perspective, we’re thinking about emotional intelligence. You do need to manage yourself, but it’s, you regulate yourself for when I get really angry. And the nice part of Zoom calls is you can’t see my hands because if I’m angry, I just put ’em in my lap and I squeeze them really tight and I keep smiling.
In person we have to have slightly different skills and so when I think about that emotion, and I’m desperately trying to figure out how to create that calm executive presence, that’s what the emotional intelligence is it’s trying to. Create that calm, to create that environment where you’re able to reflect on what’s needed and communicate to everybody else.
So that they recognize, understand, and buy in, become [00:15:00] engaged and become part of that solution. So when I think about emotional intelligence, it’s not just two words on Wikipedia that it’s really a whole, it’s three dimensional. I like to say emotional intelligence is an action verb because it’s all about.
What you do, but in order to be be able to do, be able to make choices, you need to be able to really pay attention and observe what’s going on. When it comes to communicating with other people, with my clients, I like to use the word frame. How are we going to frame that conversation?
Because if you are speaking to somebody on the executive board or you’re speaking to a direct report, or somebody from another department who you’re hoping to borrow some resources from, [00:16:00] you’re going to be, it is the same situation. How you frame your message will be different because your audience is different.
And so when we’re talking about an emotionally intelligent person, they are someone who can. That their message is received as they intended it when they’re communicating that message. So how often have you ever Pia said, oh, that’s not what I mean, you don’t understand. Have you said that very much?
Porschia: I used to say it all of the time, especially when I was much younger.
And how did
Susan: you
Porschia: stop saying
Susan: that?
Porschia: Based on the lovely pictures that you’ve outlined, I think I increased my level of self-awareness and emotional intelligence to, see from other people’s perspectives, their [00:17:00] points of view, and then think about how their personality and their background might influence, how they responded or reacted.
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Show notes.
Susan: Thank you. That’s a fabulous segue. So many, that’s my same story also. It’s many of our stories in that, getting to be wise. And it’s a matter of transitioning. So people early in their careers, in their twenties. If you were to assess them, they are going to be less engaged When we, many of us took [00:19:00] the SAT exam heading into college and that measured your rote learning.
That’s your IQ and your IQ will never get any higher than it is at age 18. You have maxed out on you just, that’s as good as it’s gonna get. With emotional intelligence or that EQ assessment, it only increases as, like you said, you we’ve got a few bruises, bumbled, figure out how do we do this better?
We all learned, listening is good. We have two ears and one mouth. So it’s good to listen, like what our mom’s taught us, he listen as twice as hard as you speak. And so as people mature in their careers, they’re going to become more and more engaged and there’s been some research that you continue to [00:20:00] grow and then about age 62, you’re not going to increase.
You’ve maxed out. And there were people, and we really need to do more research to figure that out.
Porschia: And I
Susan: figured by the time you’re 62, you’ve, you’re mo nearing retirement. You’ve been there, done that and bought a whole lot of t-shirts. You’re just like done. Even if you continue working you.
But emotional intelligence is something that you develop and it’s really, I. It bothers me a great deal. It’s my trigger when people say, oh, they have too much emotional intelligence, or They don’t have enough, and because they, you can’t have too much or too little. You have as much, I won’t say as much as you need, but you are who you are.
You’ve got what you’ve got, and then you can make a choice to get training or coaching and get more engaged or learn how to regulate it, to, [00:21:00] and that you can do that. But somebody I read in Harvard Business Review, they said, this person has too much emotional intelligence. What should you do?
I was like, how can you have too much? So I read the article and what they were doing was they were talking about a manager who was taking on their pe, their group’s work. So apparently your whole team, somebody’s kids got sick, somebody’s grandmother passed away and she’d go, oh, don’t worry. Go take care of what you need.
I’ll do your work. So she was so busy doing everybody else’s work. She couldn’t get her own work done. She might’ve, I wouldn’t even say too much empathy. She was letting her team walk all over her. So it wasn’t, not having too much emotional intelligence. She didn’t have, she didn’t know how to set boundaries.
She didn’t know how to set [00:22:00] guardrails. See, so emotional intelligence is separate from that. So I’m not sure if I answered that question or not. Yeah, you
Porschia: did. You did. And I loved how you painted those pictures for us because I think too, a lot of people, emotional intelligence is a very abstract concept and they hear it and they’re what is that?
But I think that you were very clear. In terms of how that looks and how that shows up. So thank you. Back in episode 62, we discussed emotional intelligence. As a leader, why do you think emotional intelligence is important for leaders?
Susan: Oh my gosh. I just had a whole conversation with somebody about executive presence.
And it is really all about executive presence. And I always talk about not every leader is not a formal leader. You don’t have to be in a C-suite to be a leader. A lot of [00:23:00] times people lead from behind. People know that you, they look to you because they hear somebody bark in order or bark something or talk about a future plan.
And then there’s that person that always seems to be calm and you look at them to see if you should be upset or not. They don’t think that those people really don’t think they’re leaders, but they are influencers and they’re influence people and. So it really it’s a matter of how you see the world, how you believe the world views you and how they actually do.
One good example in the EQI 2.0 assessment, there’s five categories and within each of those categories are three attributes, but the first one is self-perception. That’s how you view yourself. More importantly, as I mentioned, how other people view you. So one concrete example [00:24:00] is if you were in a meeting with a client, the question is, are you thinking about what you need to get out of that meeting?
I’ve got to sign a contract. I’ve got to pay my mortgage. How, what is the probability that you would close that deal? On the other hand, if you. Focus on what your client needs. Listen to your client, direct your responses, respond to their questions that they’re asking. Does the probability that you close the sale go up or go down?
So that’s, really listening and doing that observing of the situation. And then the second level is all about communications. When I mentioned that you want your message to be received as you intended it, so you know, it’s really being able to watch [00:25:00] people adapt to the situation. One of, my most admired leaders.
Had the ability to do that, to be able to, on a dime, be speaking, to a frontline engineer and at the same time turn around and talk to the regional vice president who was visiting that day. It was just beautiful to watch the pivot and the frontline person didn’t feel in any way that he was less than.
So it was a, just a beautiful, modeling of good communications. And with that’s the next level is the interpersonal. How do you bring people together to create, to accomplish your mission, to accomplish that project? And when we talk about psychological safety, it’s really creating that space, setting people’s expectations, and.
Know, giving people the [00:26:00] grace to disagree. How often do people or people afraid to CEOs used to be more than now, but somebody will go and go, I’m the CEO. I said so. So do it. But you know what you’re talking about, psychological safety, bringing people together, positive workplaces. Give people an opportunity to disagree.
You don’t have to do what they tell you. You could say, Susan, that’s a really good idea, we don’t have the budget right now. Come back in six months. Let’s talk about that one. At least I was recognized, I was heard, and and I think it that comes back to just basic respect.
Perhaps that might be one mark of a truly emo descriptor of emotional intelligence. So someone’s ability to respect themselves and respect other people in any situation, which goes into the fourth [00:27:00] one, which is stress management. Again, we all are thinking how do we handle stress? How do we handle our triggers?
But as a leader. Everybody’s looking to you, and things, bad things happen. They’re gonna look to you to see how they need to react. So you also have to recognize how your staff, the people, report to you or react When things don’t go well you know who needs direct, who needs be told A, B, C, and who just needs to be given permission.
Or who just needs a little glimmer of can you go do this? So you know how different people react. They’re not bad people. They just all handle stress differently. And then the final part is when that ship gets, it, sees are calm again, and you have to [00:28:00] start fixing things and making decisions.
How do you make a decision? And again, there’s not right or wrong, but my my husband’s an engineer and when his buddies, the engineers all come together when there’s a problem and they each think of a couple solutions. They sit around a conference table, they put out ideas. So they’re looking at maybe six or eight solutions.
They’ll finish with one or two. I’ve always been in marketing, education, learning. I love flip charts and markers and sticky notes. And you do too. I can see that.
You know what? Sometimes it’s really good if you put. My husband’s logical thinking type with my brainstorm thinking type, because we’ll learn from each other.
And sometimes you just have to say, okay, you all come and make, come back with a suggestion and you all with the [00:29:00] sticky notes. Then you come back with a suggestion and then we’re able to deal with three or four. In that mode. But you need to know the situation and your people when you want to make it a learning experience or when you want to give everybody the most empowering brainstorm and then bring them together.
So you just need to know how to do that. And somebody, I heard that such a great descriptor of this level is do you make decisions for people or with people? And I think as a leader that just, I want, it did well. It struck a nerve, but a good nerve, the light bulb went
Porschia: off.
Susan: So I, I just bears repeating ’cause I like it so much.
If you make decisions with people or for people.
Porschia: I agree. So Susan, what are some of the biggest challenges you’ve seen people have with improving emotional [00:30:00] intelligence?
Susan: It takes practice and I think people don’t give themselves enough grace. They think just what I read this book, I listened to Susan Schwartz’s podcast. I should know it. I’ve been. Working with people a long time and there are still moments where the words just leave my mouth and I wanna just pull them back and it’s too late.
You just it wasn’t pretty, it’s not a moment you want to repeat or relive and you, you simply need to own it. Fix whatever happened in that moment. If you need to apologize, whatever needs to be done, and take that as a learning, and this is where you start to reflect is how the next time you come across that situation, how will you handle it differently.
Have two [00:31:00] or three strategies in your head when you’re driving ’em in beltway or doing something, you know that you can just work through those different scenarios so that the next time it happens, you’ll be prepared. But I think that’s the people need to give themselves grace. To practice and we all change and situations will change.
I worked for, a tiny startup where I was employee number 12, and then I worked for that global with people all over the world. People are people. Everybody wants respect. Everybody wants to feel that what they do is important. How you work through the HR channels and getting approval and all those day-to-day tactical areas are just different.
And so as that leader, as that business person, you need to figure out how to [00:32:00] navigate all of those different pathways. And it’s just, you’ve gotta give yourself grace.
Porschia: Yeah. I. Definitely see that. Another challenge I think that you’ve covered really well today is just really not understanding emotional intelligence.
And not understanding it. So then it’s really difficult to try to prove what you don’t understand, right? I love how you talked about the different dimensions of the EQI 2.0 assessment. So obviously working with a coach like Susan can help with that. And then I have seen, and I guess this is also as emotional intelligence has become trendier to talk about some of the other personality assessments.
That I am certified in, they now have like their own emotional intelligence or EQ reports based off of the personality profile of the individual using. Their assessment. And so while I’m sure [00:33:00] it’s there are some differences to, the EQI 2.0 I think to go back to the bigger point of self-awareness, just doing some of these assessments and this kind of deep reflective work can help you take a second look at those things like you were mentioning Susan, and think about how you might do it differently next time.
Susan: And it’s so interesting that you just brought up the multiple assessments because I’ve I, you haven’t, sometimes you get in a room and people argue which assessment is the best assessment? Or one of my clients will say what do you recommend? And I was working with a client, and this was the third assessment he’d taken in three years.
Each year the president of the company. Heard about a new assessment. And so each year they brought somebody else in and he was very generous and he [00:34:00] trusted me and he gave me, he said I don’t understand all three of these. Could I want you to explain it to me? So he shared his reports and it was so interesting because all three reports describe the exact same person, and it really points to a tool that.
A coach like you or me, what we’re comfortable because you don’t just stick it under your pillow and wake up and know how to facilitate. So it’s a tool that we learn how to use. And I was just fascinated that the three assessments to describe the exact same person, so it, as long as you’re working with someone who is skilled and professional.
And, a good observer. I don’t know that any of them are better than or worse than another.
Porschia: I concur. Susan. I concur. So tell us more about your [00:35:00] business. I.
Susan: I really enjoy working with, I’m starting to call newish managers because sometimes you might have been in the working world a very long time and you just model behavior because every your manager and their manager over the years.
Behave the same way, and I enjoy working with people to create a positive, constructive workplace. So I really enjoy working with people who have been promoted through the ranks because of their expertise. It’s not just, it’s it accounting, engineering. I worked with a chef and they got to a point where they need it.
To be more skillful in building relationships, delivering constructive feedback, [00:36:00] handling really hard conversations, and those are not easy skills to learn, and I enjoy working with them as. Give being a guide as they develop. ’cause you need to be authentic. You can’t just teach somebody. You have to develop your own so that they can authentically, that they can be authentic as they move their career to the next level.
And and so that’s what I really enjoy doing. And in my book, becoming an Emotionally Intelligent Leader, it’s really taken what I’ve how I’ve grown over the last eight years and put it into taking emotionally intelligence and how do you practically apply it in the real world and. And that’s what I’ve really spent a lot of [00:37:00] time, these last eight years, both on my professional development, but having the privilege of working with different clients in different organizations to see the difference that it can make.
I worked with one engineer who was intuitively a great leader. He didn’t believe it. He was afraid to ask the manager who promoted him a question that might be dumb because the manager might think he made a mistake and demote him. And they brought me on because they believed in him and he, they felt he needed confidence.
So after five months, the conversation started being that he was invited to meetings with vice presidents. And he was there representing the engineers. And so every, each of the VPs that had a question about the engineers would [00:38:00] direct it to him. One VP would only talk to that original manager who would then turn around and say Sonny, what do you think?
And he just wanted to get his voice heard at the table. And is that amazing? In five months, he went from being afraid to ask a question to wanting to make sure how he got his voice heard and so you could just see him grow. You could see his confidence and his emotional intelligence and engagement grow that all of a sudden he went from being afraid of a promotion to saying how do I become a director?
Porschia: Yeah.
Susan: You can really measure it and watch it. There’s one group I worked with business partners and I mentioned the chef. And the chef and the restaurant owner was a very good communicator, but [00:39:00] when something, when there was a problem, she had to talk it through. She had to look at every possibility and weigh the pros and cons.
The chef was a problem solver. He zipped in, he fixed it. Why do I need to talk about it? And it’s, they were very, had a really strong working relationship, but because she wanted to talk and he didn’t, he started hiding from her. She was five feet, he was six feet. He was hiding from her. So we, when they saw the assessment and they could see where their strengths were.
They were able to calmly sit down and all of a sudden we were talking about facts. We weren’t talking about feelings, we were talking about facts, and they ended up creating a three tier trouble solution solving, the basic tier sheet had a tool to use a dashboard. The second she [00:40:00] went to the chef’s assistant.
So if she went to him with a problem and he said, go ask Mary. She’d go Ask Mary, and she always felt he was brushing her off. Now she realized, he was just reminding her who could help her best, and then when she came and they had a cohort, a code, a nano problem, he knew that he would have to stop and have that conversation.
But it just enhanced their working relationship because she was only making ’em stop twice a day, not 20 times a day. And so being able to take that data, take because behavior is about data and be able to put a practical spin to get a positive business result. And and that’s the magic. That’s the magic that I love working with.
Porschia: Yes. We’ll be [00:41:00] providing a link to your website and social channels in our show notes so people can find you online. But now Susan, I wanna ask you our final question that we ask all of our guests. How do you think executives or professionals can get a positive edge in their career?
Susan: Practice listening. I would say it’s really hard. Stop talking. Start listening and ask.
Porschia: I love it. So Susan, you’ve shared a lot of insights with us today, and I’m sure that our listeners can use it to be more confident with their emotional intelligence and in their careers. We appreciate you being with us. Thank you for having me.
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